Inside the Mind of a Depressed Teenager (written from Dr. Bisleen Attli ND’s perspective)

As a teenager, I grappled with depression for 5 long years, before I got an ounce of hope and desire to want to get better. Depression is often misunderstood in young people. I want to share my experience so that educators, like you, can better understand and support students who are struggling.

My journey with depression is what inspired me to co-found All About Mental Empowerment with Tara. I understand the pain of working through challenging thoughts and emotions as a young person, and I want to give them the tools that I wish I had when I was struggling.

When I was depressed, it felt more than just feeling sad. Depression felt like a relentless shadow that coloured every aspect of my life, including my time at school. It’s so hard to understand the pain of depression unless it’s something that you actually go through, which of course, I don’t wish upon anyone.

My journey with depression began when I was in middle school where I first got bullied. I remember crying home on the bus every single day. I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling at that time, I just knew that I hated every single aspect of myself.

When I got to high school, I really wanted to create a new reputation for myself so I repressed the sadness that I was feeling and become addicted to overachieving.

Very rarely do we think of overachievers as depressed. But here’s the thing, depression shows up in so many different forms, especially in young people. Some young people show depression through sadness, but other young people can show it through anger and defiant behaviour. My depression came out in the form of striving to be the best in everything I did.

There is a learning in all of this, which is that the best thing we can do is to check in with all our students. Even the ones who look like they are striving. It is so easy to hide depression behind good grades and stellar athletic performances, but that doesn’t mean a young person is truly happy.

I know this because despite overachieving, I never felt any happiness. Every day felt like a battle I was fighting that no one could see. I was trying so hard to suppress the sadness that I was feeling, but it would always show up when I was home alone. I even started turning to self-harm as a way to cope.

To the outside world, I seemed okay. I laughed, made jokes and engaged in class. But on the inside, it was a completely different story. 

I cracked open in grade 11, when I entered into a toxic relationship in high school. I could no longer hide the sadness inside me. My sadness took a new form. I become the ultimate rebel child.

I remember running away from home, I started skipping classes and I quit all the sports teams that I was a part of. I went from dealing with my sadness by overachieving to now dealing with my sadness with defying all authority.

One of the hardest parts about being a teenager with depression was the feeling of being misunderstood. I could feel everyone around me being angry and disappointed with me, but I wish someone had just asked me what was happening and how I was feeling inside.

I didn’t know how to handle these challenging thoughts & emotions. I was just doing the best that I knew. I just wanted someone to see the pain that I was feeling. I wish someone had listened without judgement and offered support to remind me that I am not alone.

When I look back at my experiences, that is what I wanted more than anything. I just wanted someone to understand me.

This is why I present workshops with Tara, I want every young person to feel like they are understood. I want them to know they are not alone. And most importantly, I want them to see that there truly is a light at the end of what seems like a dark tunnel.

The best thing that educators can do is to help their students feel understood. A powerful way to do that is to validate student’s emotions. Instead of telling a student everything is going to be okay, tell them that you see how hard what they are going through is. Tell them it’s okay for them to feel what they are feeling. And most importantly, tell them that they are not alone.

It’s so important that we check in with every student because you never know who is struggling.